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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The Don Imus Tucker Carlson Catfight 

The only thing more pathetic than Tucker Carlson's new show on MSNBC, perhaps is Don Imus' old one. In a bitchy catfight on the Imus show yesterday, the bow-tied chump angered the dried up coke whore by taking the side of Contessa Brewer, who Imus called an idiot/slut/moron because she called him an old fool and mocked his ranch for a very special few kids for a few days a year with cancer. Bragging about his altruism, Imus recalled sending one of his assistants to buy one of the kids extra socks and underwear from Wal-Mart, because the kid's parents couldn't afford it, or didn't know better than to send the kid with just one of each item. How fucking generous. Jesus motherfuckking Christ, the only shocking thing is that Imus didn't make the kid work an extra hour to make up for the haute couture.

Following a typically bitchy tirade, Imus told his chubby son, Wyatt, “You’re not a sissy in a bow tie, you’re a cowboy.” While dried up cocaine addicted alcoholics are not the first image one conjures when imagining cowboys, Don Imus -- in his cowboy hat and Wranglers -- is as deluded as Michael Jackson thinking he’s Peter Pan. The only upsetting thing is that if Carlson’s show fails, or rather when it fails, Imus will be stupid enough and arrogant enough to take the credit.

In the endless MSNBC promos, Carlson says, “You have to be dead to be a legend.” Feel free to do what you have to, you self-absorbed fuck. We’ll be happy to provide the blades.

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