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Monday, November 14, 2005

Bill O'Reilly - Coition Deprivation Threatens Coit 


A furor has arisen in San Francisco following comments on his radio show by Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly, the married man who writes children’s books on ethics when he’s not engaging phone sex with his employees. While most intelligent people don’ take this rapidly aging, perhaps prematurely senile hypocrite seriously, his comments – that Al Qaeda should go ahead and blow up San Francisco’s Coit Tower, suggests that like Pat Robertson, his speech crosses the line to inciting violence.

If Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, 'look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead.

In 2001 terrorists sent anthrax to the New York Post (also a News Corporation company), but unfortunately Bill O’Reilly didn’t open the letter. Perhaps if he had, he wouldn’t be so quick to make thoughtless, callous comments that endanger Americans, incite violence and disrespect first responders. Coit tower is a tribute to none other than firefighters. (Lest anyone forget, those are the people that raced into the World Trade Center on September 11th, while TV hosts gushed from the safety of their studios).

John Hanley, San Francisco’s firefighters union president, who identified himself as both a third-generation San Franciscan and military veteran to San Francisco Chronicle’s Joe Garofoli commented:

Who is this guy, O'Reilly?...I've got guys fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm a veteran myself. What's he talking about?

O’Reilly was commenting on the passage on Measure H, the second amendment bashing measure banning handguns authored by the misguided, attention-seeking Supervisor, Chris Daly, as well as a resolution opposing military recruitment in public schools. And like his lack of understanding about second amendment issues, Daly suggested O’Reilly be fired. One day, Mr. Daly will realize that in the real world we approach a problem by addressing it head-on, not by legislating it away that threatens the constitution.

Meanwhile note to O’Reilly, paraphrasing that First Amendment loving former North Carolina Senator, Jesse Helms, who threatened President Clinton in 1994 – if you come to San Francisco, you’d better bring bodyguards.

Handguns may be banned by then, but this city that allows gays to marry and doesn’t want the military in their schools may just vote to allow for the "taking out" of cable TV show hosts that threaten our citizens and our landmarks. (Thank you, Pat Robertson, for such nuanced phraseology.) But seriously, O’Reilly, don’t even come here. We’d sooner welcome Robert Mugabe.

Maybe we should be more forgiving of this retarded jackass. This is a guy who pretends to have been in the military. (Maybe having phone sex with a servicemeber's wife, for him, qualifies) This is a guy who, while his subservient wife, Maureen McPhilmy, stays home with her betrayal, her vibrators and her cucumbers, is trying to seduce employees in sexually explicit phone sex.

His first mistake – confusing a loofah with a falafel. His second mistake – assuming a saggy-titted, gravity succumbing, osteoporosis-ridden, ego damaged asshole with a chip on his shoulder, asking a woman to stroke her pussy with a loofah is a turn on.

No wonder the guy is so fucking frustrated, and no wonder this fossil probably hasn’t got laid since the dismantling of the Berlin Wall.

Please, whatever you do Mr. O’Reilly, don’t apologize to San Francisco or to firefighters or patriotic Americans or to victims and families of terrorist attacks. We don't want it or care for it. But please, feel free to kill yourself. How about suicide-bombing yourself in Tora Bora, Afghanistan? Your first real combat, putting your money where your big, fat mouth is and actually doing something useful. We'll pay for the ticket.


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